Uncle Heath's Story Time!

I thought I would share a story about the day I thought I was going to die in a port-a-potty.

During my first deployment to Iraq I lived at a base that was mortared a lot. When I say "a lot" I realize that can be hard to completely understand. It was a small base. More like an over glorified outpost. Our base received mortar fire daily. We had people killed and injured by mortars. On Mother's Day in 2004 we were hit by more than 70 rounds. I do not know the exact number because eventually I just stopped counting. I know the full impact may still be lost on you, but the story must go on! 

One day I was sitting in a port-a-potty, what is now known as the coach's office, just taking care of business. At this point everyone there knew what the sound of an incoming mortar round was like. It is a sound that we will never forget. So I heard the incoming rounds. I opened the door to see if anyone was running around me, looking for some clue if the rounds were hitting close to our building and more importantly if they were hitting near my completely plastic bathroom. I propped the door open with my boot just in time to watch a round splash roughly 100 meters in front of me. It was decision time! I pulled up my pants and started running towards our building. Roughly ten steps out of the port-a-potty I stopped and made a mad dash back to shitter. I stood in the plastic bathroom thinking, "this will keep me safe." Then it dawned on me that I was hoping to avoid burning hot shrapnel while inside a plastic box. This entire process was done in a matter of seconds, of course. I then ran to our building and waited out the mortar rounds. 

After the rounds had stopped I caught a whiff of the mess that had made itself at home in my pants during all of this running. I then had to grab the baby wipes and a clean set of underwear and make the walk of shame back out to the port-a-potty that just a few minutes before I had expected to save my life.

The day ended well. No one was injured. I had to throw away a pair of underwear, but at least it all happened so you could read this fun story :)